Warriors Gone Olympic
by Immature Retelling
Summary: OMG, the Warrior Cats have been accepted into the Olympics! But what happens when Nightcloud is obsessed with running and winning, Whitewing is all over the internet, and CAKEY becomes their theme? Randomness ensues! Trust me on that. Reuploaded!
1. Chapter 1

OMG, the Warrior Cats have been accepted into the Olympics! But what happens when Nightcloud is obsessed with running and winning, Whitewing is all over the internet, and CAKEY becomes their theme? Randomness ensues! Trust me on that.

**THIS IS IMPORTANT! Due to the previous author of this story, Smart Aleckette, not being able to update, I have taken the story WITH HER PERMISSION! No comments on how it seems like something that came up earlier, please**

**Chapter One:**

Firestar turned on his laptop and read. And read. And read. It didn't help that he couldn't read. But anything's possible for the savior! After a while, he figured out how to read the most hard word _ever_! 'A'. And suddenly… he understood the E-Mail.

Firestar jumped on the Highledge and yowled, "Let all cats old enough to access the Internet join beneath the Highledge for a clan meeting!"

And he waited. And waited. And waited.

"I **said**…" He called out again, polishing his nails with glitter glue, "**Let all cats old enough to access the Internet join under the Highledge for a Clan Meeting**!"

And he waited some more, humming 'My Little Teapot' and polishing his nails.

**- In the Warrior's Den -**

"Like, OMG! Firestar's a hero!" Brambleclaw said in a girly voice, reading 'Darkest Hour' rapidly.

"Duh! Keep up, why don't cha?" Whitestorm challenged.

"Aren't you dead?" Lionpaw asked, eating Macaroni and Cheese, reading Midnight.

"Um… **AaAaAaAaA**! I died!" Whitestorm screamed.

"Yeah… StarClan does have a spot for you, ya know." Icekit said, IM-ing Bluestar.

"Uh-huh… Bluestar says 'When he does get up here, tell him I'll kill him for keeping Snowfur waiting. And then she'll kill him, and you finally end up in StarClan's StarClan'." Icekit meowed seriously.

"And I thought Whitewing was obsessed with the Internet…" Birchfall muttered.

"Hey look! Here's a site that has **us**! People write about us and all!" Whitewing said excitedly.

"Cool! Are there any about me?" Ashfur asked.

"Why would there be?" Sandstorm asked, munching on a carrot and playing on a xylophone.

Suddenly, a strange cat popped up. "Hi! I'm Lola… **AND I LOVE SUGAR**! And my fur is made of sugar! **CAKEY **!"

**In the Author's Computer Room**–

"Jenni!" A girl screeched.

"What? Cakey is special!" Another caramel-haired one said.

"This is **mine**!"

"That's what you say." A new girl showed herself.

**CAKEY CAKEYCAKEYCAKEY SUGAR IS SPECIAL CAKEY CAKEYCAKEY**

"Kathrene!"

"What? I tried Jenni's Cakey…"

"Can we get back to the story now? Before they get bored?"

"Sure, go on."

**Back in the story** –

"**CAKEY CAKEY CAKEYCAKEY**!"

"Randomness. W-o-w. Can we get some sence here, PLEASE?" Graystripe yowled.

The sugar cat ran away still screaming "**CAKEY CAKEY CAKEYCAKEYCAKEY! CAKEY IS GOOD CAKEY IS GOOD!CAKEY IS GOOD, CAKEY IS GOOD, CAKEY IS GOOD, IIIIIIISSSSSSS GGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDD YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!**"

**Back in the Computer Room **–

"Kathy, I'm warning you…"

"This is fun! CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY! Thanks, Jenni."

"Cakey is special. And sugar is specialer. Lovely Cakey…" The light brown haired girl sighed.

"Please… Not in my story…"

"Fine, fine. Hey, who put a camera in here?" The dark brown haired girl – Kathy – walks over and there is a click and…

**Back in the story… Again…** -

**Back with Firestar **–

"Get your butts out here now or somecat's going to get hurt!" Firestar yowled, after succeeding in painting his claws pink.

Grunbling, and with Whitewing coming out with her laptop and Brambleclaw reading Midnight, they came out.

"What do you want?" Dustpelt called.

"I," Firestar said proudly, "Have received an E-Mail! And it was the **hardest** to read ever!"

"What's an E-Mail?"

"Duh! Mail that you get from the Internet, it is electronic." Whitewing sighed, flipping her fur and reading more.

"Well, what does it say?" Demanded an upside-down Honeypaw.

"Ahem… This. Is. An. E-Mail. For…" Firestar started deciphering it.

"This is an E-Mail for ThunderClan. You are hereby welcomed to participate in the Warriors Olympics, along with other clans to form one team. It will be occurring in one moon in China. With due thanks… Someone." Icekit read swiftly.

"Hey!"

"I hacked into your E-Mail. It's easy; your PSW is Fluffy Bunny."

"Who's talking?"

"No clue, they stopped saying who."

**- Someone hacked into the security feed in the Author's Computer Room** –

"Jenni! Put the non-dialogue back!"

"Fine, fine…"

- **Security feed cuts out from Icekit's computer**–

Firestar nods. "Much better."

"I have used the darkness!" A booming voice called. They all turned to see Tigerstar, holding Midnight and laughing, "**Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha**!"

"Dad, give me back my book!" Brambleclaw complained.

"Nya na na-na na… na…" Tigerstar started reading.

"Um… Isn't he dead… and isn't he supposed to be killing us or something?"

"Um… **AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa**! I'm dead!" Tigerstar yelled.

"Very nice." Squirrelflight said nonchalantly.

Suddenly… A gigantic macaroni and cheese cat came out of nowhere.

"I am MAC, brother of…" He thundered.

"**AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa**! Evil macaroni!" Tigerstar squealed like a girl.

"Brother of…" Lulu prompted. Where'd this cat come from?

"Lulu!" MAC finished. Then he went on to Tigerstar. "An Ancient Aztec cat, the mystic, magical cat, sent me to kill you. His magic is so great, that fire springs up where he wants. And, he is called… Tim.

"Hey, isn't he a housecat?" Firestar called down. "I think I know him."

"His brother is called Smuge…" MAC admitted. Then he went back to Tigerstar. "Doom on you… Doom on you… Doom on you… Doom on you… Doom on you…" MAC chanted, before eating him.

"_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo_! Maceroni…" Tigerstar said, sliding down.

"Yum!" Foxkit said, jumping out. "Maceroni!"

"**AaAaAaAaAaAaAaAa**! A kit!" MAC screamed, climbing up a one-centimeter tree.

Foxkit ran over and climbed on MAC and ate MAC. Then macaroni started raining down from the sky.

Then some random cat called Fleapoop, because he was covered in flea poop and was the fleas pooping place, screamed "Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla…. BLA…. I like macaroni and cheese. Ew, mac and cheese is disgusting. Did you know that two and two is four? Well actuley it is 4. did you know I actually had a calculator that said that that this is fun this is very fun do you like fleas or flea poop I like flea poop that's why my name is Fleapoop fleapoop fleapoop fleapoop fleapoop fleapoop flea poop is I like trees treeeeeeeee…

**- Someone **_**has**_** to get rid of this camera** –

"**Kathy**!"

- **Back in camp **–

…! Trees are like fleeeeaaaasssss… and fleas are gooooooooodddddd do you like light years I like light years do you know what light years are light minutes are how far light travels in a minute minute minute minute minute min…"

They all hear a distant call… "**Kathy**!"

Suddenly, Fleapoop runs off, screaming something about light years and 'Don't Kill Me!'

"This is boring. So normal." Squirrelflight said, rolling her eyes.

Foxkit ran forward, eating something long and pale and slimy.

"**AaAaAaAaAaA**! A severed paw!"

All the cats started running off in little circles.

Foxkit looked at them, at the thing, then went on chewing, purring quietly, "Yum… Maceroni…"

**This chapter was so blindingly random and weird because of who kept commandeering the Typey-Typey**

_**CAKEY CAKEYCAKEYCAKEYCAKEYCAKEY !**_

_**FLEA POOP FLEA POOP FLEA POOP FLEA POOP !**_

_**JENNI! KATHRENE!**_

_**Beware, more randomness is coming! (That's because I can't get Kathrene and Jenni away from the Typey-TypeySo… See yous in chapter two.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm SO sorry! This chapter is even more random and strange from the last one! Jenni stole the Typey-Typey and took it home and typed 4/5 of this chapter. Kathy typed some, about 1/10 of the remainder, and I restored normality. Somewhat.**

**Chapter Two:**

"OMG, a gathering!" Brambeclaw said, bouncing on his paws, reading Starlight.

Squirrelflight walked over to Tawnypelt and started talking to her as normal, sighing at how boring her mate was being.

Everyone at the gathering was chattering on and on and on about the Olympic travels, and how they were going to China.

Fleapoop ran in suddenly, but vanished before he could say anything.

"Thank StarClan…" Greystripe breathed.

Fleapoop came running back and screamed "The fleapoop are coming The fleapoop are coming The fleapoop are coming They are going to eat China They are going to eat China. Go fleapoop. Yummy yummy fleapoop yummy yummy fleapoop yummy yummy fleapoop yummy yummy fleapoop!" Then he ran off in another derection.

(5 seconds later)

A new cat entered the scene. An ancient, magical, mystical Aztec cat. Fire sprang up where he walked. "**I AM TIM!**" he said grandly. "**WHO ATE MAC?**"

Foxkit, who was at the gathering for some weird reason, said, "I did! And macaroni is lovely. So are skittles. Oh… **!**"

"**DO YOU HAVE THE POWER OF SKITTLES?**" asked Tim.

"Yes, I have the ancient power of skittles. They go back all the way to 2000 AD. **I HAVE SKITTLES! BOW BEFORE MY AWESOME POWER!**"

Tim, Firestar, Icekit, Lulu, Lola, Whitewing, and all the other cats trembled, bowing before the awesome Foxkit, who had skittles.

All of a sudden, Door walked through the gathering. Door was a cat that had been smashed in half by a door. How he was still alive, no one knows. Door walked up to

Foxkit, who was now the only one on Great Oak. He stole the skittles right out of Foxkit's paws and ran away with them!

"**!**" The cats at the gathering screamed.

"Shame on him!" said Pre-Algebra, the name of a random 7th grade math textbook that was attending the Gathering.

"**AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!**" screamed the cats. They were afraid of the terrible horror of tangents, linear systems, square roots, and the formulas to find distance and midpoints. And StarClan forbid that evil addition…

Needless to say, the Gathering was suspended soon after that. StarClan took away the moon because even they were afraid of Pre-Algebra.

But then-

-**IN THE AUTHOR'S SPECIAL SUPER SECRET COMPUTER ROOM WHERE THERE IS NICE THINGS LIKE FANFICTION AND RANDOMNESS AND SUGAR AND CAKEY AND YOUTUBE AND BARTIMAEUS TRILOGY AND WARRIORS AND TWILIGHT AND NEW MOON AND ECLIPSE AND TAMORA PIERCE BOOKS AND FANFICTION AND YOUTUBE AND BARTIMAEUS TRILOGY AND ON AND ON AND ON…**-

"**JENNI**! You weren't supposed to make the Gathering end! And where did Pre-Algebra come from, anyway?" Selkie glared.

(Jenni is singing along to Thanks for the Memories and reading Ptolemy's Gate and eating sugar and more sugar and more sugar)

"Did you hear me or not?"

"Nope. The only way I think / Is in the form of crunching numbers / In hotel rooms / Collecting patient's lov-"

"**SHUT UP**! Continue with the story! And no more Pre-Algebra!" Selkie said.

"-out of my mind / Get you out of those-"

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

"Sort of…"

"Then why didn't you do it?"

(Jenni sticks out her tongue at Selkie)

-**AWAY FROM THE WONDERFUL SPECIAL AUTHOR'S COMPUTER ROOM WHERE THERE IS AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF CAKEY**-

Pre-Algebra was forgotten. The gathering came again, but the moon didn't. It was now made out of pickles. It was okay, though. No one noticed. And away from the wonderful place where the scene is set…

Blackstar yelled really really angrily, "**GET IN ORDER NOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW NO NOW NOW!**"

The cats lined up in military fashion. Then, Blackstar started shaking from the effort of yelling and because he was scary.

Leopardstar said, "Mistyfoot! Get over here! With the extremely expensive guitar!"

Mistyfoot took the guitar (which was worth 0. yen) and set it by Blackstar's paws. Then she picked him up and smashed him into the guitar. Again. And again. And again. And so on. Ect.

And Purplekit ate pumpkins. Lots and lots of pumpkins with sugar and chocolate sprinkles on top.

-**IN THE AUTHOR'S SUPER SPECIAL COMPUTER ROOM WHERE CAKEY REIGNS**-

"Jenni! Where did Purplekit come from? And why **PURPLEKIT**? Cat's coats aren't purple!"

(Jenni is now listening to M-rated Bartimaeus Trilogy fanfic being read by NaturalReader)

"Hello…?"

"**HELLO!**" Kathy shouted. "**I AM HYPER FOR NO APARENT REASON AND I ANNOYED LOTS OF PEOPLE AND INSTEAD OF STAPLING THE PAGES FOR DEBATE CLASS I STAPLED JENNI AND MY FINGER AND THE STAPLER! And any facts that I say are true! No matter what! So there! And this information is verified by: nothingimportant(dot)com, which is verified by somethingimportant(dot)com which is verified by CAKEY(dot)com which is verified by happythingplace(dot)com WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY SELKIE CAN'T MOVE TO THAILAND!**"

Jenni somehow withdrew from her Bartimaeus Trilogy induced stupor, to shout, "**SELKIE DROVE AWAY AND LEFT ME WITH THE TYPEY-TYPEY! NO ONE CAN IMAGINE THE WONDERFULLNESS I WILL UNLEASH ON IT! YES!**"

-**BACK AT GATHERING OF SPECIAL WARRIORS THAT JENNI CAN MANIPULATE**-

Purplekit was named that because shim was purple. I say shim because Purplekit had been to the Cutter. Shim was neither a she or a he.

Blackstar fell into a coma. Then, Broccoli, a dark green evil vegetable cat, fell from the sky. He screamed the way Kathy scary screams, something that cannot be translated into the English or Spanish or Japanese or bird or grass or inatimate object or pretty much any language, and then said "I will kill you all! Did I scare you?"

"Nope," Firestar said nonchalantly. "Pre-Algebra was far more frightening." Then he walked over and hopped on the carousel. The carousel horses weren't horses, they were plastic horses. Like some carousel horses are. According to the cat named Tim, carousel horses used to be real horses. But they aren't anymore. Oh well.

As I was saying, Firestar was riding on the carousel. He thought it was amazingly fun, but decided he'd rathersing songs at the karaoke machine. He sung Mordrid's Lullaby, way out of tune. It sounded like screeching.

By this time the Clan cats were all covering their ears so they wouldn't hear, their eyes so they wouldn't see, and their mouths so they wouldn't scream because of Firestar's awful singing.

Then, while Firestar began My Reason, Icekit found a rainbow marker. It was a special marker. A beautiful, special marker for ZAPping other cats!

He walked up to Brambleclaw and wrote ZAP on one side of his paw and Dappletail on the other. He wrote Blackstar on Mousefur's paw, Loudbelly on Hawkfrost's (where did he come from?) paw, Heatherpaw on Purplekit's paw, Firestar on Leafpool's paw, Silverstream on Onestar's paw, and Door on Broccoli's paw. He also wrote Fleapoop on Ferncloud's paw and Mrs. Sanderson on Brackenfur's paw.

Then Icekit jumped up on the Great Oak and said, "If I have ZAPped you you must ask the cat that's name is on your paw to to out with you!"

Brambleclaw couldn't ask Dappletail out because she was desd, so he settled for asking the Treebridge out instead. He was extremely frustrated when it didn't answer, but just stuck its tongue out at him.

Mousefur asked Blackstar out, and got chased into the yellow submarine for her troubles.

Hawkfrost refused to ask Loudbelly out, because they were both toms, so he was condemmed to living in the park. And making dirt on the tennis court. He received this sentence from the doorknob that was growing out of one of the trees. It was a very beautiful doorknob, so that's why he listened to it.

Heatherpaw refused to go out with Purplekit, because they were both too young and she had a secret crush on Fleapoop.

Firestar, who had moved on to 'Sexy Naughty Btchy Me' on the karaoke machine, did not hear Leafpool, **HIS OWN DAUGHTER**, ask him out. So she had to repeat the question over and over.

"Okay, fine!" Firestar began to say, before he was interrupted by Leafpool, who was screaming and trying to hang herself from the Great Oak with a rope made of bird feathers and paper clips, because her father agreed to go out with her. It didn't work so well.

Firestar went back to the karaoke. And wondered absentmindedly why his daughter was trying to kill herself. All he was going to say was, "Okay, fine! What is it?" when she was bothering him when he was singing very special songs.

Ferncloud didn't want to ask Fleapoop out. He was all icky and covered in flea poop and talked too much using very poor grammar. So she jumped into the lake and swam away, but then got eaten by the dump truck that was in the lake. Dustpelt was very sad.

Brackenfur, meanwhile, was trying to find out who Mrs. Sanderson was. He had to do the unthinkable to find out…ask Pre-Calculus, the cousin of Pre-Algebra! Pre-Calculus was a much worse book. It made you do… subtraction!

"Who is Mrs. Sanderson?"

Pre-Calculus replied, in an evil droning voice of horrors, "**SHE IS THE MATH TEACHER WHO TEACHES ALGEBRA AND PRE-CALCULUS! SHE TALKS ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT NOTHING AT ALL… HER CLASS IS THE WORST FATE FOR ALL! I WILL TRANSPORT YOU THERE SO YOU CAN ASK HER OUT! !**"

Brackenfur was shuddering in absolute terror. Of Pre-Calculus and Mrs. Sanderson. All of a sudden, Brackenur was thrown through the pages of Pre-Calculus into a horrible place… the territory of Mrs. Sanderson!

He looked around. There were tables. And chairs. And high-school kids. It was… a classroom. Brackenfur took the only empty spot, at the back of the classroom, and began peeling gum off the bottom of tables and eating it. The gum made him feel happy.

Then, class was over. He walked over to Mrs. Sanderson and asked, "Will you go out with me?", still feeling ecastic from the gum.

Needless to say, Brackenfur never saw the light of day again. He was now called Smushedpancake. Oh the unspeakable tortures of schoolbooks and hairclips and washing machines and sharp spoons and swimming pools and the lawnmower and scissors and dark, dank dungeons…

When Smushedpancake returned to Gathering, no one recognized him as the cat he once was. They thought he was another of the horrible cats like Fleapoop and Door and Broccoli and MAC. They all ran away screaming.

And then-

-**IN THE AUTHOR'S WONDERFUL AMAZING SPECIAL COMPUTER ROOM THAT HAS FANFICTION AND SUGAR AND DEFINITELY NO EVIL VEGETABLES LIKE BROCCOLI**-

"**JENNI**! You took the typey-typey! Away from me! And you wrote in it! You ruined the nearly non-existent plot line! **HOW COULD YOU?**"

(Jenni is reading Ptolemy's Gate)

"**HOW COULD YOU**!"

"I could. Invisible Bartimaeus, get over here."

(Invisible Bartimaeus is only visible to Jenni and he is Jenni's djinni)

"Coming," he scowled.

"Make sure that Selkie has something to hurt that is NOT ME. In other words, you."

(Invisible Bartimaeus goes and stands in corner, his essence shuddering)

"He's over there," Jenni told Selkie.

"DIE**! DIE! !**"

Invisible Bartimaeus nearly died.

"Now, Gimmie the Typey-Typey!" Selkie takes the Typey-Typey and sits down. "We need some mannor of sence in here, and we do have a plot to follow."

-**OUT OF THE AUTHORS' COMPUTER ROOM OF PAIN AND NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES FOR INVISIBLE BARTIMAEUS**-

The ZAP things were forgotten in three minutes, but Leafpool was still trying to kill herself and Firestar had no clue what was going on.

Everything was back to normal, but there was still Smushedpancake and Purplekit. Maybe that was because of the sudden appearance of Spottedleaf.

She had a cat with her, a tom, that had a Tiki mask on as well as a lea.

"He is a Tiki warrior," Spottedleaf started, "and you shall call him Bob."

"Great!" Graystripe called up. "What does he do?"

"He is a Tiki warrior," Spottedleaf started, sounding confused, "and you shall call him Bob."

"Iay antway weatsay anday otslay ofay itay!" Bob shouted.

"Spottedleaf, what did he say?" Graystripe asked.

"He is a Tiki warrior," Spottedleaf was frowning, looking at Graystripe in confusion, "and you shall call him Bob."

"**!**" Graystrpe screamed, running over Smushedpancake and away from everybody for five minutes. "**RANDOMNESS!**"

"He is a Tiki warrior, and you shall call him Bob." Spotttedleaf said, tilting her head to the side.

Suddenly, a mystical cat floated down on a parachute from StarClan and said "I am Starstar, founder and leader of StarClan." He boomed, unhitching his gear. "This is Bob, a Tiki Warrior. He's from Honolulu, and will be your trainer in the Olympics. I am to be your translator." Starstar bowed slightly.

"Finally!" Graystripe huffed. "A sane cat!"

He bowed to Starstar and Starstar curtsied back, and his head was suddenly bare.

"Stupid toupee…" He mumbled.

"I should have known…" Graystripe mumbled.

"Ownay! Ownay! Ownay! Ownay! Ownay! Ownay! Ownay! Ownay!" Bob screamed at the cats as he took out an ukulele.

"What did he say?" Asked Onestar (the only seemingly normal-to-Graystripe leader who Graystripe asked if he could join WindClan to stay sane).

"Um…" Starstar said, looking at his watch. "Oh my! Come on Spottedleaf, while chaos reigns and they try to figure out what Bob is saying… Well, come on! It's tea time!" He said suddenly.

He put on a jet pack and rocketed into the air for his star (accidently hitting the moon, but oh well) as Spottedleaf absentmindedly followed him.

She turned on a milky path and looked back at the cats. "He is a Tiki warrior," She said seriously.

"And you shall call him Bob!" All the 'sane' cats (Onestar, Graystripe, Smushedpancake) said.

"Eirdway atcay." Bob muttered. Then he took out a ukulele, hula skirt, and straw hat and started to dance.

**GULP. I'M SORRY! JENNI TOOK THE TYPEY-TYPEY HOME FOR THE WEEKEND AND I FORGOT ABOUT IT AND… WELL… I ONLY RESTOED ORDER WHEN THE ZAP THINGS WERE FORGOTTEN. SOB. I'M SORRY!**

**BUT BECAUSE I CAN'T GET KATHY OR JENNI AWAY FORM THE TYPEY-TYPEY… THE NEXT CHAPTER IS SO GOING TO BE RANDOM. SORRY.. UNLESS YOU LIKE IT. THEN YAY.**

_**I THNKS RHST DASHO SJOYLD MOT KIL; MW!**_

_**UM… THAT WAS INVISIBLE BARTIMAEUS. HE SAYS 'I THINK THAT SELKIE SHOULD NOT KILL ME!'**_

**CAN I KILL INVISIBLE BARTIMAEUS?**

**JENNI! KATHY! CAN YOU PLEASE STAY OUT OF THE AUTHOR'S NOTE?**

**SORRY…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

"Okay, we are going to train! Um... Bob?..." Firestar called.

Bob was still singing hula songs and dancing, to the tune of "LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa! La-Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Esyay?" The Tiki warrior trainer that they shall call Bob looked up.

"Train!" Firestar was having a heart attack of absurdness.

"Yep, things are still going very normal. I thought that **something** would be different for the last few minutes but... nope." Squirrelflight murmured to Tawneypelt.

"Ivefay ushpay psuay ouyay llay!" Bob screamed using Leopardstar as a pony as she bounced along on her tail singing 'Meow meow meow meow..." to the tune of 'Meow Mix' eating a can of tuna.

"What did he say?" Blakstar asked, stopping his singing of 'My Little Pony'.

"Apparently... Ivefay ushpay psuay ouyay llay." Onestar meowed seriously.

"Oh. That clears everything up. Even the mystery of the universe." Blackstar meowed, seriousness written all over his face. Then he went to his most serious song… 'I'm a Barbie Girl'.

Suddenly a black long-furred she-cat with all her fur in buns ran screaming 'China is bad! They put lead paint on our toys and poison our food and..." Her voice grows steadily quieter as she is pursued by the funny farm.

A Chinese news cat comes on and bonks a gibbering Firestar off the tree and took his place.

For some reason, the Great Oak was suddenly only one inch tall.

"Pay no attention to the cat that just ran by. That is all." The Chinese cat left, with Nightcloud running laps around the clearing edge that had magically turned into a bowling alley.

"Must- Get- First- Place!" She panted, running into Bob like a bowling ball and sending him onto the waxed part of the clearing... in the path of Bullet, the bowling-ball cat!... Where exactly did he come from?

"**!**" Bob screamed, accidently letting go of Leopardstar

and attaching to Bullet. They ran into the pins (Smushedpancake and Purplekit and Broccoli and Tim) and Bob turned into another bowling pin.

Fleapoop the bowling pin screamed for the world to hear "Bob! The fleapoop will get you!" Then a wave of blackness slowly came out of nowhere. It got taller and wider and bigger and darker and badder and worser and horibbler and…

"**!**" Bob screamed until 6 cats were deaf. Their names were Thunderstar, Riverstar, Windstar, Shadowstar, Hawkfrost-the-ressurected-cat, and Nightcloud. Nightcloud continued running laps.

Hawkfrost started trying to figure out why he could not hear anyone, and then started to panic and scream "Hello! Can anyone hear me! Hello! Is anyone listening to me! Someone say something!" and other things like that.

Thunderstar, Riverstar, Windstar, Shadowstar started talking to each other about Jack Sparrow's egg, snot, stinky socks, and how sugar is good in sign language.

**-IN THE SPECIAL AUTHOR'S COMPUTER ROOM-**

"Invisible Bartimaeus, sing a song!" Jenni commanded.

"No way."

"Or face torture."

"Fine," he scowled. "Which song?"

"The special one I made up."

"N-not the one to the tune of Jingle Bells?" He shuddered.

"The very one," Jenni said gleefully.

If looks could kill, at least one author would be dead.

Invisible Bartimaeus sang, horribly out of tune,

"Jingle Bells,

Kathy's feet smell,

Jack Sparrow laid an egg,

How fun it is to e-e-eat sugar a-all day!

Yay!

"Jack Sparrow's e-egg hatched,

And o-out came a snot,

It danced around Kathren's feet and ye-yelled OH MY GOSH!

Sugar makes you hyper,

Which is very good,

The snot ate lots of sugar,

And then ate Kathy's fo-o-o-ot…

"Jingle Bells,

Kathy's foot smells,

The snot is very big,

It ate Kathy's other foot and tha-at is the end!

Yay!"

Invisible Bartimaeus flew away in terror. He was halfway to China by now.

"**JENNI**! That was **ANNOYING!**!" Selkie screamed.

"It was good!"

"**GET INVISIBLE BARTIMAEUS BACK HERE SO I CAN MAIM HIM!**"

"Have mercy! It's my birthday!"

"Fine." Selkie glared.

"Let sugar rain from the sky!" exclaimed Kathy.

**-BACK IN THE BOWLING ALLEY THAT TURNED INTO A RANDOM TREE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT OF DESSERT WHERE EVERYONE WAS SITING ON TREE BRANCHES TO STAY OUT OF THE DESSERT-**

Somehow, Tim came back and turned the bowling alley into a desert of dessert. And with him was a sister, a strong mystical cat who has even more power than he. Her name was… (Dun dun dun) M&Ms. And her favorite color was… (Dun dun dun) M&M. And her favorite music was… (Dun dun dun) M&M theme song. And her favorite food was… (Dun dun dun… DUN!) Grass.

"I am M&Ms! Has anyone seen my sister, Skittles? She makes things turn into deserts of dessert." M&Ms called, laughing like a maniac all the while. She was hyper. She had eaten half of the desert of dessert. All the chocolate and ice cream!

**-IN THE AUTHOR'S COMPUTER ROOM WITH SPECIAL CAKEY AND YEKAC AND AND AND SUGAR AND HYPERNESS AND TYPEY-TYPEYS AND NO EVIL THINGS LIKE MATH-**

"**!**" Kathy and Jenni screamed, as if they were dying in the most painful way possible. (which is death by sharp spoon)

"What now?" Selkie demanded.

"All the chocolate and ice cream… gone!" They wailed.

Selkie slaps her head with her hand and sighes. "Invisible Bartimaeus… Give them sugar. Shut them up. Please?..." She pleads with Invisible Bartimaeus.

Invisible Bartimaeus listens to Selkie out of fear of torture, which, since he has nine levels of consciousness, is M-rated Bartimaeus/Nathaniel, Bartimaeus/Kitty, Bartimaeus/Ptolemy, Bartimaeus/Faquarl, Bartimaeus/Jessica Whitwell, Bartimaeus/Nouda, Bartimaeus/Faquarl/Nouda, and Bartimaeus/Jabor fanfiction being read aloud by the mechanical NaturalReader voice all at once!

Invisible Bartimaeus made the brown sugar float right in front of Kathrine and Jenni. And he gave it to them.

Kathy ate it fast and started singing, "… … … … Happyth… Ow! What?"

Selkie had hit Kathy over the head with Boots and Siesta and Brute.

"I'm going to regret this…" Selkie mutters turning the computer. "And I **HAVE** to get rid of that WebCam."

**-BACK IN THE DESERT OF DESSERT WHERE M&MS IS AND WHERE SHE LOOKS FOR HER SISTER, SKITTLES-**

"Skittles?" M&Ms asked as Bob made all the other cats do pull-ups. How do cats hold onto the branches without opposable thumbs?

All of a sudden, the cats heard a great and powerful voice. "I'm here, M&Ms!" shrieked a squeaky, high voice. The all-powerful voice of Skittles!

"Skittles!" cried M&M's. "I've been looking for you everywhere! Where were you?"

"I… was in Los Angeles," Skittles said gravely in her high, squeaky voice. Then she noticed the desert of dessert. DESSERT! "SUGAR!" she screamed and went off to eat the sugar.

Meanwhile, the other cats, who had been doing their pull-ups with their claws, fell off and hit the hard dirt ground where the dessert was all eaten. They fell because their claws could no longer hold them up.

And then, Purplekit, the shim, ate squash. She loved squash. With chocolate sauce on top. And strawberry preserves. And gasoline. Yes, gasoline.

The other cats were de-clawed, so they had to get home out of the desert of dessert so they wouldn't get dirt in their claw-holes. If you looked very closely at the top of the tree where the branches were, you would see a lot of cat claws sticking out of them, with blood on the ends.

**En la casa de los gatos Espanol…**

**(In the house of the Spanish cats)**

El indoor es mal. Dice, "Papel de Inodoro, come papel de hygenico! Rapido!" El inodoro asusta Papel de Inodoro, el gato blanco y café, muy mucho.

(The toilet is bad. It says, "Papel de Inodoro, [paper of the toilet] eat toilet paper! Hurry!" The toilet scares Papel de Inodoro, the white and brown cat, very much.)

Platos Sucios ve Ropa de Interior. Platos Sucios es de Texas en ochociento cuarenta y uno. Es café. Ropa de Interior es rojo y blanco y anaranjado y verde y muy rosada y violeta y amarillo y café de el inodoro y azul. Platos Sucios no le gusta el color de Ropa de Interior. Dice, "******!**"

(Platos Sucios [dirty dishes] sees Ropa de Interior [underwear]. He is from Texas in 1841. He's Brown. Ropa de Interior is red and White and orange and green and very pink and purple and yellow and poop Brown and blue. Platos Sucios doesn't like Ropa de Interior's color. He says, "******!**")

Toca la Nariz le gusta los narizes. Lee un libro de los narizes. Tiene muchos potos de los narizes. Cree que los narizes son muy bonitas.

(Toca la Nariz [touch the nose] likes noses. He reads a book of noses. It has many photos of noses. He believes that noses are very beautiful.)

Estupidisimo es muy estupido. El cuesta -. dolares. El cree que el es muy guapo y inteligente. El es muy, muy, muy, muy, MUY, no correcto.

El telephono dice , "**RING RING RING**!"

Estupidisimo tiene el telephono en el cabesa. Dice, "Dime!"

El telephono dice, "Tiene un invitación para el Olympics en China para ti. Tu vienes?"

"**YO VIENES! YO VIENES! YO VIENES!**" dice Estupidisimo. El telephono murió.

Estupidisimo dice para Ropa de Interior, Platos Sucios, Papel de Inodoro, y Toca la Nariz, "Venimos a del Olympics!"

Todos gatos habla, "**YAY!**"

(Estupidisimo [extremely stupid] is stupid. He costs -. dollars. He believes he is very smart and handsome. He is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, **VERY** wrong.

The telephone says, "**RING RING RING**!"

Estupidisimo has the telephone on his head. He says, "Talk to me!"

The telephone says, "I have an invitation for the Olympics in China for you. Are you coming?" "I YOU COME! I YOU COME! I YOU COME!" says Estupidisimo. The telephone died.

Estupidisimo says for Ropa de Interior, Platos Sucios, Papel de Inodoro, and Toca la Nariz, "We're coming to the Olympics!"

All the cats say, "**YAY!**")

**-IN THE AUTHOR'S SPECIAL WONDERFUL COMPUTER ROOM WHERE THERE ARE WONDERFUL COMPUTERS-**

"**JENNI! DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO MAKE A BRIEF INTERLUDE OF THE SPANISH CATS? NOT A HUGE LONG THING WITH TRANSLATIONS!**" Selkie screamed.

"Sorry." Jenni cowered.

"You are so dead."

"I know." She shuddered. "Invisible Bartimaeus, get over here. Now. I don't care what else you're doing."

"Five…four…three…two…one!" Selkie lunged toward Jenni.

"Ow…." A groan came from in front of Jenni. Invisible Bartimaeus had gotten there just in time.

"YOU WILL DIE!"

**-OUT OF SCARY COMPUTER ROOM WITH CERTAIN DEATH FOR INVISIBLE BARTIMAEUS-**

The Warriors had found an air-conditioned gym with nothing that would hurt their de-clawed paws to train in. They were practicing lifting weights. Crowfeather was the strongest. He could lift 0. miligrams!

Nightcloud ran very fast on the running machine. She was still deaf. "**I'M WINNING!**" she screamed.

Starstar, founder of StarClan, was drinking alchoholic caffine sugar honey sprinkles chocolate tea, sitting on top of of an umbrella coming out of the bicycle machine. He was a fat grey/white/tan-brown tortoiseshell.

Whitewing was shopping for new shoes on E-bay. She loved the tan stillettoes with white wings on the side. They costed 100,000,000,000,000,000 dollars. She bought them anyway.

Smushedpancake (once Brackenfur) was trying to get un-smushed. He was failing.

Firestar was using the mini swimming pool for dives. He was going to win the 1m diving.

Leafpool, meanwhile, was devising a way to hang herself from the pull-up bar. Firestar hadn't relinquished his descision to go out with her.

Yellowfang was brushing her fur with yellow-out. It was like white-out, but yellow. It was very beautiful.

Onestar was making a list of things to train on. Nobody except Graystripe (the only other sane cat) listened to him.

Voletooth ate paper. With black ink on it. It made his teeth black. He was training for the black tooth competition.

All of ShadowClan was shopping for uniforms in the next-door department store. They chose sheer hot-pink shirts that showed their belly buttons and matching 2mm miniskirts that had splits on the left side, toms and she-cats alike. They decided to wear their uniforms from now on.

WindClan, like ShadowClan, decided that uniforms were their number-one priority. They went to the mall, and, after looking at choices for 15 trilaseconds, unaminously agreed on bright yellow sleeveless leotards with matching poofy tutus with glittery silver sparkles. They also agreed to wear their uniforms from then on, at all times, no matter what. They would even sleep in them.

RiverClan decided to get uniforms too. They shopped for five hours, before they made the decisive decision to buy neon orange girls two-piece bathing suits. The tops were VERY skimpy, and the bottoms… even more so. Then they started practicing their high-diving. Then they practiced low-diving, to retrieve their bathing suits.

ThunderClan saw everyone else shopping for uniforms and thought that they would also want to go and find some. They thought about it and finally, after such a LONG time (Ahem… try the time it took you to read a space between these words. NEON GREEN), they chose it. It was a neon green leotard and neon green leggings and neon green five-inch skort. It was very pretty. And it hurt everyone's eyes when they stood next to ShadowClan. ThunderClan said that ThunderClan would wear it at almost all times. Just not when making dirt.

WindClan refused to go back on their decision to wear the uniforms at all times, so they had holes cut in their bathing suits so they could make dirt.

Back to the training. RiverClan was still practicing high (and low) dives. WindClan joined Nightcloud on the running machines. ShadowClan went on the bicycle machines. Starstar's umbrella went slowly around in circles as Tawnypelt ran the bicycle machine. Thunderclan practiced skiing on the slopes of the giant weight-lifting machine on yoga pads, until they were told by an exasperated Greystripe that it was the summer Olympics. Then they began snowboarding. Greystripe went off with Onestar to do their own training.

Then, just when there began to be a semblance of normality, guess who ran in…!

"The fleapoop are coming the fleapoop are coming the're going to eat you they're coming they're coming they're coming I like fleapoop when you eat them they tasle like chocolate the fleapoop are coming to eat you they are attracted to yellow and neon orange and green and hot pink uniforms so they're coming and they're going to eat you and the fleapo- **!**" Fleapoop screamed as he was overwhelmed by a wave of black fleapoop.

Silence.

More silence.

Even more silence.

Much more silence.

Silence forever!

"Maybe he's dead?" questioned Greystripe, not really daring to hope.

Onestar drew close to his fleapoop-covered body. "He's dead!" he pronounced with glee.

All of the cats quit training and started to have a party. They poured kerousine over Fleapoop and took a lit match-

**-IN THE AUTHOR'S SUPER SPECIAL COMPUTER ROOM WHERE THERE IS (USUALLY) FUN AND AWESOMENESS-**

"**I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! !" **Kathy screamed.** "YOU KILLED FLEAPOOP! KILL HER INVISIBLE BARTIMAEUS!**"

Invisible Bartimaeus, out of fear of death himself, prepared to kill Jenni.

Jenni cowered, waiting for her life to end.

Selkie, in a sudden comradely moment of the destruction of Fleapoop, pushed Jenni out of the way of Invisible Bartimaeus.

In the time space of two seconds: Jenni slipped on the shiny linoliem floor. Invisible Bartimaeus tripped over Selkie. Selkie crawled under the table to prevent being stepped on or killed. Jenni's feet hit the wall and she stopped sliding. Invisible Bartimaeus ran into one of the tables.

Jenni's head was under Invisible Bartimaeus's legs. She screamed. (Let's just say that what is under a djinnni's loincloth is something no one should EVER see.)

"**I'LL DO ANYTHING! SAVE ME! HELP!**!" Jenni started thrashing.

"Even bring Fleapoop back?" Kathy questioned.

"**ANYTHING! RELIEVE ME FROM THIS TORTURE!**!"

"Promise?"

"**ANYTHING! I PROMISE! MAKE IT STOP!**!"

"For sure?"

"**PLEASE!"**

"Invisible Bartimaeus, get off of her."

"With pleasure." He stepped off of Jenni.

**-OUT OF THE SPECIAL COMPUTER ROOM WHERE JENNI SAW HORRIBLE SIGHT OF DOOM-**

All of a sudden… Fleapoop came back to life! He wasn't dead after all! He ran off screaming "The fleapoop are coming they're coming they're coming they're going to eat you they're coming they're coming they're coming…"

"Bad sentence structure ensues," moaned Greystripe.

All of a sudden, Firestar climbed on top of Starstar's umbrella and announced, "I have an announcement to make! It is: "**´®¥¨øµaçµååß©´®¥¨øåßçµß©åß©çç©µ©©ß¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¥¨¨¨¨§§§§§§§¢¢¢¢¢££££™™™¡¶§¢£ççåß´ç®©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©©!**"

He then made the translation: "**Sidways 'M' r, Funny 'y', dot dot, pie, freaky u, til-day, a, Strange q, Funny c, GIBBERISH, and COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT COPYRIGHT! THIS IS SO COPYRIGHT! JAKE AND JENNI'S UNCLE MARC STOLE THE TYPEY-TYPEY AND TYPED ON IT! AND BO'S SISTER PAID THEM ALL OF ELEVEN CENTS TO DO IT! I WILL SUE THEM AND WIN!**"

Then everything went back to normal. Another words, ShadowClan and WindClan started dancing ballet to Girlfriend Remix.

Bob suddenly ran in and screamed, "Raintay! Raintay! Raintay!"

"Translation?" Foxkit asked Starstar. Starstar went on drinking his alchoholic sugar caffine chocolate honey sprinkles tea.

"Erehay siay aay otionpay hattay akesmay ouyay raintay asterfay!" Bob said gleefully.

"He said 'Train! Train! Train!'" Starstar said deliberately.

"Aketay tiay ownay! Owney! Owney! Owney!"

"'Here is a potion that makes you train faster!'"

"Ownay!"

"'Take it now! Now! Now! Now!'"

By this point the other cats were thouroughly confused. Seeing as all but Greystripe and Onestar had to concentrate to focus on one thing for more than three seconds, this wasn't exactly surprising.

"Just take the potion," Starstar sid tiredly, and went back to his tea.

All of a sudden Lulu and Lola ran across the gym, yelling "**CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY CAKEY!**"

Bob passed around a green potion in a test tube. **IT WAS SUPOSSED TO MAKE YOU TRAIN FASTER**. But it didn't.

After Leaporardstar guzzled half the test tube, there was only enough potion left for Greymist, Blackstar, Greystripe, and Smushedpancake.

These five cats blacked out. The others went on eating toast and playing hide-and-seek between car tires.

"Hoay onay," Bob moaned. "Titay asway hetay rongway otionpay. Tiay siay hetay ovelay otionpay. …"

"I't's a love potion," Sarstar said flatly. He might have gotten more of a reaction out of a brick wall than the cats that were now leapfrogging and cartwheeling madly, so he went back to his special delicious tea.

Bob read the label that came with the potion. It said, "This is a love potion. Only use under extreme circumstances, as it makes the person you feed it to fall in love with the first thing they see." Bob, speakimg pig latin, had no idea what it said. So, he fed it to Voletooth, the entry in the black tooth contest.

Greymist woke up five hours later…and her eyes focused on a printer. To be specific, an ancient HP Laser Jet 930C/932C/935C… BEAUTIFUL printer! "Oh, my beautiful," Greymist murmured. She started purring and nuzzling the printer. But then she fell off the table into a deep, dark hole: the cesspool! It was slimy and icky down there, with unmentionable gross things. She started screaming because she lost her true love, the printer…

Greystripe woke up. He looked at the ceiling… and saw a fingernail clipping! It was from a grown-up stinky man who didn't know basic hygiene and it was the first time he had clipped his nails in fifty years.

Greystripe stared at it. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He could look at it forever. He did. (actually barely 69 hours) Then he reached out to touch it… but no! His paw passed right through it! It was just a mirage. Having figured this out, Greystripe sank to the floor, and began to sob.

Smushedpancake's eyes opened… and settled upon a holy sight! Its name was… Pre-Calculus!

"Hello, beautiful," Smushedpancake said happily.

"**EXCUSE ME**?" said Pre-Calculus.

"I love you," said Smushedpancake. The math textbook hurridly backed away. Smushedpancake cornered it.

"Beautiful," he said, and started licking it.

"**HOW THE GREAT HAVE FALLEN**," Pre-Calculus said sadly.

Leaporardstar and Blackstar woke up simoutaneously. They gazed into each other's eyes… and then ran into the girl's dressing room in the mall to make kits.

Five minutes later, Leaporardstar and Blackstar's kits were born. Their names were Pickit, Lickit, and Kickit. Pickit was booger color, Lickit was lime green, and Kickit was an orange tabby. Leopardstar and Blackstar loved them very much.

**-AUTHOR'S COMPUTER ROOM… GUESS YOU CAN GUESS WHO IS WRITING NOW-**

"**JENNI! DOOM ON YOU! WHERE DID PICKIT, LICKIT, AND KICKIT COME FROM?**" Selkie screamed at Jenni, waving the Typey-Typey around wildly.

"They are special!" Jenni protested.

"**JUST BECAUSE I'M STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU CAN COMMENDEAR THE TYPEY-TYPEY EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF THE DAY! IF YOU WANT TO PUT ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN THERE, ASK ME FIRST! AND I WANT TO KEEP SOME SENSE IN THERE! AND GRAYSTRIPE WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY SANE! AND… AND… NO MORE WILD STUFF FOR YOU! YOU JUST MAUL IT!**" Jenni cowered under the furious gaze of Selkie.

"Can I type if it stays slightly sane and is about training of the Warriors?" She asked, her voice little above awhisper.

"Fine." Selkie snapped, pushing the Typey-Typey to her. "If it doesn't stay somewhat sane, **YOU WILL DIE!**"

"Okay…"

**-BACK IN THE STORY WHERE IT WILL – HOPEFULLY – STAY SLIGHTLY SANE AND BE ABOUT THE WARRIOR CATS-**

A new cat came. His name was This Story Isn't Sane And I Won't Listen To Selkie. He screamed his name repeatedly for two months straight, while the Warriors trained. RiverClan got very good at high- and low-diving. WindClan learned how to make dirt while wearing their uniforms. (coughballetcostumescough) ThunderClan practiced swimming and skiing, while ShadowClan knew they were going to win the get-on-the-bicycle-and-face-the-right-way-race.

Luckily for Bob, the love potion wore off after 24 hours. He fed them training potion (it's other name is dark canned cappichino) to the cats. The result was a 'sing Bad Touch while lifting weights and doing subtraction problems from Pre-Calculus and

stepping on Smushedpancake and eating socks and pulling fur and learning to speak ancient Aztec (try to pronounce Ixacciuhuatl Ishakiwat) and making pancakes and doing back-handsprings and spinning madly and putting on lipstick and sparkly nail polish and setting up construction signs and wearing dress-up Pony Princess clothes and memorizing the Spanish and English and Italian and French and Vactican Cityan and Sierra Leonian and Alien languages and watching The Last Unicorn all at the same time contest! Ivypaw, from ShadowClan won, because she is just awesome that way.

Then Bob decided to never give the cats potion that made them train faster again. It made them too hyper. But he, along with Backstar, decided to make the cats sleep in army barracks and make them train on an army schedule. The only problem was communication between them. Starstar decided he'd rather drink tea while floating on a cloud reading gossip magazines and watching explicit soap operas than translate for Bob.

Bob and Blackstar were trying to get the cats to train in playing tennis. Bob told Blackstar, who didn't know anything about tennis but knew how to speak cat and yell, "Elltay hemtay otay rytay otay ithay hetay allsbay veroay hetay etnay."

"He retains information," Blackstar translated.

"Upidstay atcay." Bob grumbled.

"Cupid stays at the cay?"

"Ouyay reaay hetay ostmay mpossibleiay atcay iay avehay vereay eensay, Ackstarbay."

"Ow really hit us possum at yay have hay something teensy Ackastar bay? Is that what you said?" Blackstar asked.

"Diotiay," Bob moaned.

"I will** NOT** diet!"

The cats had now started wacking each other's heads with, trying (and failing) to hit tennis balls with, balancing on their paws, or eating the tennis rackets. They were fighting over the blue ones with pink stripes because they tasted the best.

**-AUTHOR'S COMPUTER ROOM-**

"That bland enough for you?" Jenni shot at Selkie.

"Yep. Now close the chapter up." Selkie smiled and went back to staring at beautiful, glorious, handsome, **perfect** Edward Cullen.

"Um… How do you end chapters?" Jenni asked.

"**GIMMIE THAT!**" Selkie yelled suddenly, taking the Typey-Typey.

**-STORY ONCE MORE, WITH THE SLIGHTEST ONE-CELL THICK THREADS OF SANITY WHICH MAY SOON BE OBLIVERATED-**

Suddenly, Graystripe looked up. "Oh, just great." He griped, moving out of the tennis court. "More randomness."

A huge circle that was orange and red and yellow fell from the sky and a large animated Bob ripped out of it.

"A- A- A- Atstay llaay, olksfay!" He yelled to the world.

"No Looney Tunes. Please." Graystripe begged to StarClan.

"What did he say?" M&Ms asked, licking Skittles. Skittles was eating skittles and m&ms.

"Crab pillows are fun." Blackstar translated. Bob hit his head with his paw.

A sign came down from StarClan, lowered by Riverstar Shadowstar and Thunderstar and Windstar, who were still deaf. It read **THAT'S ALL, FOLKS. MORE RANDOMNESS TO COME. HOPE YOU LIKE THE OLYMPICS! **Selkie.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**YES, YES, I KNOW. BLINDINGLY RAINDOM. JENNI TYPED MOST OF THIS. IT IS VERY BEAUTIFUL, ACCORDING TO HER. I FIND IT VERY RANDOM. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR BLINDING RANDOMNESS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.**

**THIS IS JENNI. INVISIBLE BARTIMAEUS IS AWESOME! JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT. AND AFTER KATHY SCREAMED THAT I KILLED FLEAPOOP THERE WERE 237 WHOLE ROWS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS! MADE SPECIAL FOR YOU! BUT SELKIE DELETED 217 OF THEM! YELL AT HER FOR ME!**

**JENNI IS VERY HOPELESS. THIS IS SELKIE TYPING, JUST SO YOU KNOW.**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR:**

Bob and Blackstar were still trying to get the cats to train sanely (Ish). They were failing, as all of ThunderClan was training for the 'Pink Ponies' contest, where they dress up in pink and act like ponies. And they were failing… they were wearing neon green. With bright neon green bows on their ears. They were also wearing bright neon green socks. To top it off they were wearing neon orange mittens.

-IN THE SPECIAL COMPUTER ROOM WHERE A NEW TEMPORARY AUTHOR HAS BEEN BORN-

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Socks rule the world!" said Miranda. "Yay! Go socks! Bright neon green bows and socks are special."

-OUT OF THE SPECIAL COMPUTER ROOM WITH NEW TEMPORARY AUTHOR AND INVISIBLE MAP OF CHINA'S LAND MINES AND NONE OF KATHY'S SMELLY SHOES-

There was utter chaos. Someone had left a smelly shoe in the gym. It was… Bob's. He was now running through the gym screaming at the top of his lungs, "Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay! Ackpay!"

Starstar descended from the ceiling on a sparkly pink umbrella. He was holding a sparkly pink CD player with a sparkly pink CD playing the song "Sparkly Pink" inside with sparkly pink headphones connected to Starstar's ears that had sparkly pink eyeshadow on them. He was also wearing sparkly pink socks. He was also wearing pink sparkly bows. "Bob said 'pack'." Starstar declared.

At the same time, Graystripe and Onestar were covering their eyes to get away from the sparkly pink horror that was Starstar.

"Ackpay ownay!" Bob exclaimed.

Greymist got right on it. She took out her designer suitcase, packed it with silk, and gently placed the beautiful HP printer that she had fallen in love with and dived into the cesspool to rescue in it. Obviously, the love potion had some recurring effects.

Skittles ran in, and said, in her high, squeaky, all-powerful voice, "Let's throw a party!" The other cats immediately got hyper and began hanging up streamers and making food and finding instruments and figuring out which one of them should be the DJ for the party.

"Hyway on'tday heytey istenlay otay emay ikelay heytay oday orfay Kittlessay?" moaned Bob.

Graystripe and Onestar were concentrating on stopping the disaster (aka party) before it happened. They were just ran over with the super-strength car vacuum cleaner and ejected into the ladies' bathroom. The she-cats putting on their lipstick screamed and ran out of the room, then locked the cubicles, then flushed the toilets, and then stuffed Graystripe and Onestar into them. They did it in reverse because their minds worked that way.

Then they ran into the mens' bathroom, took showers in the urinals, and reapplied their lipstick. Because they had to look just perfect (Imagine sopping wet cats with lipstick spread all over their faces. A quite beautiful sight). They were all ready for the party.

Meanwhile, the chosen DJ, Icekit, plugged in the machine and turned on her favorite song. It was an ultra-cool-hip-awesome-rock-rap song. It was called "I Love You, You Love Me", sang by Barney.

The live band sounded wonderful. They, Mistyfoot, Pickit, Whitewing, Voletooth, and Ivypaw, had the guitar that had been banged over Blackstar's head, a cowbell with the ringer torn out (to be used as a tambourine), a Tupperware container and a wooden spoon (to be used as a drum), two books (to be used as a clapper), and a flea hopping through metal lockers (to be used as the most beautiful instrument in the world). They made the wonderfullest music ever. All the cats had to cover their ears.

In the kitchen, mud pies were being made. Somehow, Tornear managed to break the refrigerator open (he was too stupid to use the door) and secure fifteen hundred 6-packs of dark, sweet, iced, canned Cappichino. They also made smushed-cockroaches-on-sticks, lead paint canisters with gasoline frosting (inspired by Starstar) and aromatic pine toilet cleaner sandwiches.

The other cats were dancing a medieval hip-hop dance. They hopped like bunnies while singing the Star Wars theme song. Skittles went berserk at the awesomeness of her party.

And then, just when things seemed strange enough, who should come in but… Fleapoo-

-IN THE AUTHOR'S SPECIAL COMPUTER ROOM WHERE ONE AUTHOR WILL MOST LIKELY DIE-

"JENNI! I TOLD YOU TO KEEP IT SANE!"

No response.

Still no response.

No response more.

Still no response even more.

"Jenni, what are you looking at?" Selkie asked, her anger spent for the moment. What could Jenni possibly be doing on the far computer that prevented her from listening to Selkie?

Kathy prodded Jenni. No response. She walked over cautiously.

Jenni suddenly went beserk. "MY EVIL PLAN IS NEARLY COMPLETE! !"

Kathy, and Selkie, who had walked over, both stepped backwards, away from the crazy Jenni. "What evil plan?"

"YOU KNOW! MY EVIL PLAN TO HACK INTO EOIN COLFER'S COMPUTER AND BRING THE HOT, SEXY, AWESOME ARTEMIS FOWL INTO THIS WORLD! AND LOCK HIM IN MY ALL-GLASS CATHEDRAL FLOATING IN THE ANTARCTIC OCEAN WEARING ONLY-"

"That's quite enough. You don't want to scar the readers' minds." Selkie said sternly. "Was that why the story started to get hyper?" she asked.

Jenni nodded vigorously.

"Don't let thoughts of Artemis infect the story again. Understood?"

Jenni nodded giddily.

-OUT OF AUTHOR'S COMPUTER ROOM WHERE JENNI HAS NEW OBSESSION AND WHERE SELKIE YELLS AT JENNI FOR OBSESSING OVER ATREMIS FOWL, NUMBER TWO ON SAHSI'S 'HOTTIE' LIST AND WERE KATHY REPEATEDLY TRIES TO KILL BOTH OF THEM FOR OBSESSING-

And then, Fleapoop joined the party and played with the flea-jumping-through-lockers instrument and screeching "Flea poop, flea poop, yummy special flea poop, oh yum, oh-so-go-od flea poop, falalalala, lalalala!" to the tune of the band. His singing was so horrible that Skittles left, and so the party ended. Just as the food was being brought out, too. Such a shame.

The party was then un-ended. So the food could be eaten. As you can imagine, their was mass stomach-sickness in the cats that ate the inedible food, and mass hyperness in the cats that drank the Cappichino. They head-butted each other, like the ancient tournaments between cats from Tenochtitlan. They lost many brain cells because of it. Many of them lost the ability to think coherent thoughts. No. Wait. They never even HAD the ability to think coherent thoughts.

Bob, who had smartly refrained from drinking the Cappichino, made chocolate-chip-banana-confectioner's sugar-pancake pies. He began pieing the hyper cats without brain cells. Unfortunately, they were moving so fast that his pies missed their marks. They all hit Graystripe and Onestar instead. The pies contained ultra-strong heavy duty tranquilizer, so of course poor Graystripe and Onestar were snoring within .

Fleapoop, seeing the pie throwing, decided to join the fun and dumped flea poop on the pie covered, sleeping sticky cats. Then he made a bed of flea poop in the middle of the party and went to sleep.

"Printer, printer my dear, come over here. I have been waiting for you. Printer? Printer! Printer, where are you?" screeched Graymist. Then she remembered that she had packed the printer.

"!" she called in despair, then scrambled over to all the luggage that she had packed and started unpacking everything rapidly, tearing up the padding. The printer was… gone.

"!

!" Graymist screamed, running away in search of the beautiful printer.

"KARIOKE!" Blackstar cried suddenly, jumping onto the pull-up bar.

"YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYY!" All the cats yelled,

"Hatway illway akemay hemtay ackpay?" Bob moaned.

"Everybody makes mistakes… Everybody has those days…" Blackstar started.

"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!" The cats screamed.

Fleapoop woke up and turned off the karaoke machine. He wanted to sleep on his bed of flea poop.

Graystripe and Onestar suddenly woke up, covered in pie and flea poop. It wouldn't come off. They ran around screaming and hitting every cat they could to get rid of the curse of flea poop. And they were screaming.

Bob came with hair remover. All the hares ran away. He dumped the hair remover on Graystripe and Onestar to make the flea poop and pie come off. It did… with their fur. So they had to put on Tigger suits until their fur grew back.

"Ownay akemay hemtay ackpay! Leasepay?" Bob pleaded.

Starstar, drinking his tea, came down from the high dive he was about to do over the pool of tea. "He said, 'Now make them pack. Please?' "

Graystripe and Onestar nodded, and ran around with the evilness called smelly socks on a stick.

"PACK! PACK OR THE SMELLY SOCK OF DOOM WILL TOUCH YOU!" Onestar yelled. Graystripe was temped to end his life with the smelly socks of doom for Onestar was slowly losing his sanity.

-IN THE SPECIAL AUTHOR'S COMPUTER ROOM WITH SPECIAL ARTEMIS FOWL AND INUYASHA PICTURES ON DEVANTART AND BEAUTIFUL PLOTS TO LEAVE ARTEMIS IN A GLASS CATHEFRAL ON THE ANTARTIC OCEAN WHO JENNI IS RULER OF-

"SAHSI!" Katherene screamed.

"Yes?" Selkie asked, bouncing all over the walls.

"Why has the background for the computers all Artemis Fowl and Inuyasha, and why can't we make the story all hyper and you can?"

"Because I am hyper and special and owner of the story and Inuyasha is hot and sexy and Artemis is hot and I AM HYPER!" Selkie screamed.

Jenni wasn't paying attention. She was looking at beautiful Artemis Fowl on DevantArt when she was about to go into her secret plot of doom for him and specialness for Selkie and Jenni.

"SPANISH CATS!" Selkie yelled suddenly, running to the computer, stopping a moment to look at beautiful Inuyasha.

-OUT OF THE SPECIAL AND GOOD AND WONDERFUL AND EXTRAORDANAIRY AND NEVER TO BE SANE COMPUTER ROOM OF THE AUTHORS-

En la casa de los gatos Espanol:

(In the house of the Spanish cats):

Los Olympics son en una semana! Platos Sucios y Estupidisomo y Ropa Interior y Toca la Nariz y Papel del Inordoro son feliz! Nesisitan poner los cosas en la bolsa. Ustedes son muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, muy, MUY locos!

(The Olympics are in one week! Platos Sucios and Estupidicimo and Ropa Interior and Toca la Nariz and Papel del Inordoro are happy! They need top ut the things in the bag. They are very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY crazy!)

Ustedes ponen en la bolsa: Collares, inordoros, ropa, armarios, libros de gatos loco, narises, azucar, dulces, mas azucar, mas dulces, Skittles, y M&Ms.

(They put in the bag: Necklases, toilets, clothes, closets, books of crazy cats, noses, sugar, candy, more sugar, more candy, Skittles, and M&Ms.)

The cats began packing. Immidiately. The smelly sock of doom, which belonged to Kathy, the one time she was ever forced to wear socks, was nearly a worse fate than getting engaged to Fleapoop.

There was a distant call, which left the cats' ears ringing with the loudness of it:

"JENNI! LEAVE MY SOCKS OUT OF THIS!"

The cats were confused, but continued packing.

Firestar packed his cheerleading equipment. He had a recent addiction to cheerleading. The pom-poms smelled like Bitter Bitter Spray. No one wanted their suitcase next to Firestar's.

Voletooth packed . and ¾ and 5/2 and 582 5/4 pens. For the black tooth contest. Of course, he also packed

. pieces of paper.

Ivypaw packed her awesome toothbrush. She used it to brush her teeth. And that was after she used it for a mold scrubrush and a comb.

Leafpool packed feathers and paper clips and toothpicks. To continue to try to kill herself. Firestar still didn't know that he was going to go on a date with Leafpool.

Squirrelflight and Tawnypelt both thought that everything was quite boring and normal. So they packed fresh-kill and extra fur.

Smushedpancake, formerly Brackenfur, was also packing. He was packing something wonderful… Pre-Calculus! Pre-Calculus was screaming… "NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Chicken, a random cat, came in. He was brown and white and black and red. He also had feathers, two legs, and wings. He was packing for the Olympics too. He packes feathers and gold and sugar and spice and cinnamon and chicken. He loved to eat chicken. That is why his name is Chicken. Never mind the fact that he has feathers, two legs, and wings.

Door was also packing. He packed half a jumpsuit with half a ribbon, half a hat with half a flower, half a shirt with half a skirt, and half of Squirrelflight's extra fur in half a suitcase.

WindClan packed shoes. They liked shoes very much. Sparkly slippers, 100 billion inch high-up-shoes, size 400 gazillion skater shoes, shoes made from used toiletpaper, regular shoes, and horseshoes. They planned to sing the song "We All Love Our Sparkly Slippers" thoughout the whole plane ride. It went,

We all love our sparkly slippers,

We all love our sparkly slippers,

We all love our sparkly slippers,

And our sparkly slippers love us!

Boom boom boom…

(and faster)

We all love our sparkly slippers,

We all love our sparkly slippers,

We all love our sparkly slippers,

And our sparkly slippers love us!

Boom boom boom…

(way faster)

We all love our sparkly slippers,

We all love our sparkly slippers,

We all love our sparkly slippers,

And our sparkly slippers love us!

It was an extremely special song. Way beautiful.

Onestar was the only sane cat in WindClan. He packed edible food. A month's worth. And he wasn't going to share. It was the rest of WindClan's own stupid fault if they starved.

Russsetfur packet hair dye. She would never dare let anyone know that her fur was really puke green. She also took the latest issue of the magazine I Am Awesome. On the front cover was a picture of Russsetfur. Yes, her name is spelled that way. She changed it from Russetfur to Russsetfur because she thought it sounded hotter.

Purplekit also packed. Shim was being sane in shis packing. Shim packed lots of skittles. And she packed m&ms. No, not the cats (Los gatos Espanol tienen M&Ms y Skittles (The Spanish cats have M&Ms and Skittles). Then shim packed lots and lots and lots of Fleapoop repellant. Shim didn't like Fleapoop. And Purplekit then went hyper and shim started to pack lots and lots and lots and lots of SUGAR!

And Mistyfoot packed. And she changed her name as she packed. She was now Moldyfood. Since some mold is gray and she was hungry. So Moldyfood packed lots and lots and lots of mushrooms. She thought that they were beautiful and special and good. Then she packed the broken guitar that played such beautiful music. It was special and good.

Leopardstar led her cats in packing. She had a bout of saneness. So they packed food, clothes, a banjo or two, a few fleas (Fleapoop was coming in their section. Blackclaw was hopelessly in love with him), sugar, and then they ate some sugar. And Leopardstar's bout of saneness was cured! So now they packed floss. Lovely floss. Everyone else thought it was evil but they packed floss. They packed mint floss, bubblegum floss, flea floss, marble floss, peanut buter floss, bycicle floss, and brocalli floss. And then they packed jump ropes made form floss and toothbrushes made of floss. Then they went on to pack idiot driving cats that use floss. They worshipped floss. And their suitcases were made of floss. Even floss that was made from metal of twoleg idiot's cars from accidents. They planned to sing a prayer to floss. It went like this:

"Oh, you wonderful thing…

Oh, you beautiful thing…

Will you please praise us with your glory…

Beautiful !

Lalalalala la la lala

Sweet, beautiful object…

Grace us with your touch…

Let us bask in the wonderfulness of you…

Oh, lovely !"

It was beautiful. Everyone else had to cover their ears. Except for ThunderClan. It was specialness to them. They also worshipped the god called !.

ThunderClan had to pack too. They didn't want to pack the beautifulness of floss because of RiverClan. They didn't like shoes. So they, everyone who didn't already pack, packed the most beautiful thing ever. They packed GASOLINE! It was special and good. It was used for drinking. And for the cerimonies of floss. And they packed it in suitcases and thermoses made of paper. Because they could.

Graystripe packed separate from them. He packed sanely, like Onestar. In fact, he packed exactly like Onestar. Except he also packed all their Tigger suits (Their fur hadn't grown back yet). And he packed them in a leather suitcase with a million locks so no one could see the horribleness of the Tigger suits.

ShadowClan had a new god. Well, it was a goddess. Her name was… Wood. She was the color of wood, eater of wood, lover of wood, as beautiful as dark oak wood, and the goddess of sugar. Her real name was CakeySugarHyperCat. Anyway, they packed sugar. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of sugar. In a container the size of the plane that they had to get on. Then they ate a lot of it. And became hyper-hyper-ified. They ran around yelling their chant of Wood. It was special:

"Wood, glorious Wood, wonderful Wood!

How about some sugar, Wo-od?

How about making us crazy?

I just met a girl named Wood.

And she game sugar that is good.

When you're a Wood fan, you're one all the time

From your million sugar dollors to your very last dime

Oh, kindly goddess Wo-od, you've got to hear

Help us if you could, we're getting kind of queer

Because! We! Are! Not! HYPER!"

It was even more special than RiverClan's floss chant. ThunderClan converted.

-IN THE AWESOMENESS OF THE AUTHOR'S COMPUTER ROOM WHERE KATHERENE SUDDENLY BECAME SANE-ISH AND JENNI AND SELKIE ARE INSANE AND THERE IS A LOT OF SUGAR AND WHOEVER IS TYPING THIS IS VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY HYPER!-

Jenni laughed like a mainiac. Her plan… was special and beautiful and wonderful and awesome.

"Invisible Bartimaeus, go through this hole in the computer screen and bring me back Artemis Fowl. Now." She pointed at a hole in the side of the computer with a diameter of a .

Invisible Bartimaeus was scared for this Artemis Fowl person. Jenni's plan was horrible. He had told her that if she locked Artemis Fowl in her all-glass cathedral, he would get burned to a crisp. Of course, Jenni didn't listen to him. She was crazy.

Jenni stared at the computer screen. Invisible Bartimaeus was taking too long. It had been a whole 30 seconds!

10 seconds later, Invisible Bartimaeus returned. Dragging a very annoyed Artemis behind him. Jenni and Selkie stared at prettyful Artemis. Artemis tried to ignore them and surveyed the situation. There were two crazy girls, one strange girl, and the invisible…THING that brought him here that was too large to be a shielded fairy. For a genius such as him, it shouldn't be too hard to get out. Except for the fact that as soon as you walked out the door, it was a thousand-foot drop into molten lava.

Jenni told Invisible Bartimaeus, "Do phase two!"

"I am NOT tyeing him up inside your all-glass cathedral in the Antarctic Ocean wearing only his underwear."

Artemis stepped backward hurriedly. "What?" he asked.

"Special plan…" Selkie said. Jenni started yelling at Invisible Bartimaeus.

"Not special plan!" Kathy snapped. "He'll be burned to a crisp and then his ashes will be frozen!"

Selkie ignored her and started advancing toward Artemis. Soon he was cornered in the closet. Selkie stared at him. "Prettyful…"

She then leaped at him and hugged him very tightly. Artemis froze in terror. This being was evil. There was no possible way to get away from her.

Two voices screamed at the same time. "ARTEMIS IS ! GIVE!", and "YOU ARE SO DEAD SELKIE! NO MORE TORTURING POOR ARTEMIS!"

-OUT OF THE SPECIALNESS OF THE COMPUTER ROOM WHERE THERE IS KATHERENE SCREAMING ABOUT DOOM FOR ARTEMIS-

The cats needed to get all their stuff together. And into the double-decker-mini-milimilimilimeter-times-10-billion bus. They nominated Starstar for this job. Starstar readily agreed. The problem was, he had eaten the leftover cans of Cappichino for the party.

"HOAY ONAY!" Bob yelled. Starstar was taking the bags of gasoline. The bags of paper, remember? And Starstar was on fire. Because he was so hyper that all the energy caused him to be on fire. And it made the bags of paper light on fire. They exploded.

Well, then it was a good thing that they were only big.

But then ThunderClan had to repack. They packed their gasoline in cardboard toothpick containers. Because they could. Starstar went hyper. (well, more hyper than he already was) He manage to carry Greymist's 347 suitcases in one trip. He got kind of sidetracked coming back, though. He just HAD to take a trip to the nearest chocolate store and use all of StarClan's money to buy everything they had in stock. So he got more hyper. So hyper that he ran out of the Typey-typey and didn't appear again until Chapter Six. Poor Bob. No one to translate for him. Just Blackstar.

Just then, This Story Isn't Sane And I Won't Listen To Selkie came in, screaming his name. He was a late arrival and had to pack too. He packed everything insane that he could think of. Then he gave it to Bob to put in the truck, and ran off still screaming his name to the world. But his name is redundant. Selkie is insane and hyper. So he changed it to This Story Isn't Sane And I Won't Listen To Katherene.

Then the other cats carried their stuff to the buses. Wow, they actually HELPED!

Then they decided to sing car songs. WindClan sang about their sparkly slippers. The other clans sang about the Ratland Bog.

"Oh roll the ratland bog, the bog down in the valley-o,

Oh roll the ratland bog, the bog down in the valley-o,

And in that bog there was a stream

A rare stream, and ratland stream!

The stream in the bog and the bog down in the valley-o!

Oh roll the ratland bog, the bog down in the valley-o

Oh roll the ratland bog, the bog down in the valley-o!

And in that stream there was water

Some rare water, some ratland water!

The water in the stream and the stream in the bog and the bog down in the valley-o!

Oh roll the ratland bog, the bog down in the valley-o

Oh roll the ratland bog, the bog down in the valley-o!"

Then after that, there was mud, then grass, then hole, then bug, then rock, then dirt, then tree, then truck, then limb, then branch, then stick, then twig, then stem, then leaf, then fruit, then flower, then petal, then bird, then wing, then feather, then fly, then head, then antennae, then flea, then leg, then spot, then speck, then fleck, then germ, then nucleus, then nucleolus, then DNA, then atom, then proton, then neutron, then electron, and finally quark!

The song took all of two hours to sing. It was prettyful!

Then they sang another song, for five days straight. (It was a very long ride to the airport.) It was to the tune of "We All Live In A Yellow Submarine", by the Beatles. It went:

"We all live in a nudist colony, a nudist colony, a nudist colony, a nudist colony,

We all live in a nudist colony, a nudist colony, a nudist colony, a nudist colony…"

And on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on! They drove the bus drivers crazy. The bus drivers went so crazy that they yelled about catnip. No one noticed that the bus drivers were mice. No one but Graystripe. He tried to eat them, because they were mice.

So then the finally got to the airport. It was tiny. And there were mini Graystripes being sold as pets. The Graystripes were an inch tall and wore hermit crab shells that were a foot tall. They lived, too, and walked quite nicely around under their shells screaming at the insanity.

- IN THE SPECIAL AND HYPER AND GOOD AND PRECIOUS AND WONDERFUL AND GLORIOUS AND CAKEY AND HYPER AND SPECIAL AND WITH ARTEMIS FOWL AND PICTURES OF INUYASHA AND WHERE I AM GOING TO DIE FOR TYPING THIS-

"SELKIE!" Katherene screamed, running over and taking the Typey-Typey. "MY TURN!"

-OUT OF THE SPECIAL AND GLORIOUS AND GOOD AND NICE AND BACK INTO THE STORY THAT WILL SADLY BECOME SLIGHTLY SANE BECAUSE KATHERENE IS TYPING AFTER THIS AND SELKIE IS HYPER AND I AM SELKIE AND I LOVE INUYASHA BECAUSE HE IS HOT AND SEXY AND JENNI AND I LOVE ARTEMIS FOWL FOR THE SAME REASON AND NOW WE WILL GO BACK INTO THE-

"**SELKIE! ENOUGH!**"

- STORY-

They had to get through airport security, which ended up being their worst enemy in the world. Dogs. And not just any dogs! The worse, biggest, meanest, loudest dogs. They were… The Pom-pom-eranians!

The Pom-pom-eranians were tall and long and ½ wide. And they were so scary!

Unfortunately, the authors couldn't think of anything more random. So they let Brute, the second-dumbest animal in the universe, take over the keyboard temporarily.

What are they doing? Oh yeah, going to the airplane. Well, they went to the airplane. But there was lots of stuff to do.

Whitewing needed a new computer. Her other one was a whole minute old! Ancient, right? Well, she went shopping in the airplane gift store. The one in the bathrooms. Behind the boxes of tampons.

She looked. And looked. And looked. And looked some more. And then she found the perfect one… It was only a millisecond old! So she bought it for [insert a ridiculously little number here]

Euros. And 5/9 yen.

"MUA-HA-HA-HA!" Whitewing cackled. Madly.

Unfortunately, her mad laugh reached the author's computer room, and caused all the computers in the computer room to crash.

"Oops." Whitewing said.

**REALLY, OUR COMPUTERS DIDN'T CRASH, BUT I'M GOING TO BE STAYING AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE WITH A LIMITED TIME ON THE COMPUTER. SO IT MAY BE A LONG TIME BEFORE THE NEXT CHAPTER IS POSTED.**

**With all due respect,**

**;SU**

Extra note: Please don't expect this to ever be continued. It was reposted for the joy of it. If you ask the original author and inform me, if you like, you may continue this story on your own. However, I haven't the time, mind, or reason to type this.

Sincerely,  
Immature Retelling


End file.
